The future...

(Excuse my grammatical errors and wierd "teenage talk". It's too long to read over and check.)

For the past...however long I've been thinking about college, Biola seemed to be somewhere I wanted to be, but couldn't possibly get to. 
After my little life-changing encounter with God, my search for a college seemed to land on California, specifically the L.A area. Why? I had no clue. But for some inexplicable reason, I was drawn to Biola. The more I studied and looked into it, the more I wanted to be there. Eventually I paid a visit.
I spent the night in a tiny dorm room. My 'room-mate' just so happened to have the same visions as me, the same desires for furthering the Kingdom as me, and basically the same testimony too. We spent a good amount of time just gawking at the 'coincidence' that led us to meet and share what God's been doing in us. When she told me that she had a vision about somebody a while earlier and was convinced that it was about me, I had decided in my mind that Biola was where I wanted to be. But was that just what I wanted, or what God wanted? Being the skeptical, doubtful, indecisive person that I am, I decided to wait for any more 'signs' or convenient 'coincidences' that would possibly confirm any ideas about 'signs from God' that floated around in my confused mind. 

The next morning, I attended chapel. 'Coincidentally', the set up was different than normal chapel at Biola. There was a speaker who happened to be an artist that spoke about Art and Christ. A sign? uhhh....

Not only was Biola beautiful, Christ-centered, full of Jesus-freaks like me and an intensely awesome Art Department, it was.....$40,000 a year. 
I had decided, I wanted to be at Biola. How? Only God knew. It seemed impossible for a family of 6 with a son in college over seas, missionaries renting a house, planning to buy one, and a car or two, and maybe replace some computers, and maybe some emergency tickets to Japan, during the worst economic crisis since 1929 to be able to send someone to the expensive, out of state, private Christian school in expensive California for 3 or 4 years of education. Everything screamed "it's impossible', just apply somewhere else you dumbo".
Every time I talked to my parents about Biola, things seemed to get more and more bleak. The estimate costs were in the thirty thousands and it seemed like I would be working for the rest of my life to pay off the cost of tuition. "You didn't hear right you doofus" kept going through my head. 

So I looked at other schools, or rather glanced at them. I prayed about it constantly, and yet, nothing. No other school popped up, just Biola. Maybe I wasn't praying right (yes, I actually thought this). So I fasted. And what did I get? "2 Chronicles 20. A book I'd never read before. The Lord simply opened the Bible to that page. And there was King Jehoshaphat, praying to God to deliver his people from a hopeless battle. The Lord's answer? "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's." While I was reading this, my iTunes had been on shuffle. I had randomly downloaded some Rita Springer songs the night before just for the heck of it. Suddenly I hear the lyrics "God can move mountains" over and over again. 
I said to Him, "You mean the vast army of $40,000? The mountain of debt that I'll be in if I go to Biola?" I simply sensed Him grin. It was going to be okay. 
And still, my stubborn, faithless self continued to worry and get frustrated over the issue. 

A month or two later, I reached a point of praying that God help my doubtfulness and my fear. He answered and gave me a peace. It WILL be okay. 

And that's where I was, when I was driving home from work with my mom. She said "I have some good news for you!"
I thought, um, you won a bid on e-bay? You can make it to the concert? You got a puppy? So I asked her "How good is good?" I proceeded to explain to her with colorful sounds and expressions how 'good' could be a 'oh cool' good, or a 'WOOOOOOW' good. She refused to tell me what it was until I got home, in fear that I would drive the van into a house. 
She showed me the letter that showed the $40,000 price tag cut in half. 
With all of the FAFSA stuff I had busted my brain for, the $21,000 was more than beautiful. Earlier, I had sent out another scholarship application, and that day (today), my mom had sent out my Art Scholarship application. So if I get one or both of those...
Maybe I'll be there this fall after all. 


I'm still waiting for the replies. But my heart has been settled. Wherever I go, God is with me. Whether I go to Biola or not, God has a plan for me. Whether I worry or not, God is still in control. "Faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains". I'm slowly coming to understand the reality of that. I guess I secretly thought that God was a big bully that said "Look how awesome this college is! - haha too bad, you're going to this SUCKY college". 
God never changes. He WAS good to me, He IS good to me and I know that He WILL be good to me for the rest of my life and more. 
Who deserves my trust more than the only One who will never let me down?
You, God, are all I need.