I'll try to keep this short...

Rev. G. H. Williams marched with Martin Luther King Jr. He has been pastoring for over 60 years and is still going. He was arrested with King 18 times for civil rights purposes. He was the first colored man to walk into a white restaurant. He was the first black face that was arrested for trying to make a reservation at the Holiday Inn and his children were two of the first children to walk into a white school. He's 84 and still young.

And I got to hear him speak :).  

He challenged us with a question. He said "What, and how much, are you willing to sacrifice for your future?"

He didn't mean 'How hard are you willing to work so that you can live the life you want?'. No, he has seen, heard, lived through, witnessed and tried too many things to ask a shallow question like that. 

What he meant was "How much of yourself are you willing to lay down, how much are you willing to suffer, be persecuted and rejected, ridiculed and criticized, torn up, beaten down, discouraged and ignored, for the sake of the souls in this fallen world?". That's what he meant. 

Funny thing is, we live in America. We have it easy. We're big, over-fed, over-indulged, over-'free' babies. We say it's hard to be a christian in a time like this - all the while sitting in one of our 300,000 churches, sipping starbucks. We worry about our reputation while believers in Nepal and Nigeria fear for their lives. We worry about how that other church is doing better than ours while a three person under-cover bible study is a tremendous blessing in another country. 

I used to pray 'God use me, I am willing' without REALLY having a clue what i was willing to do. Faith without works is dead. Now I pray "Lord, Show me what breaks your heart, and let it break mine." I think...in order for your heart to grow, it has to  break first. And if you SEE through God's eyes the things that need to be done, and KNOW the desperation, you'll know the WHY. And as Jeanne put it; "He who has a WHY to live for can withstand any HOW". 

A washcloth, a toothbrush and a dime. Those were the things Rev. G. H. Williams and King put in their pockets to prepare for another time in prison. They KNEW, yet they still did what needed to be done, just as Christ knew the price He was to pay, and went all the way anyway. A washcloth, a toothbrush and a dime. I think that's part of what Jesus meant when He said 'You must deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me". Follow Him, carrying the very thing that will take you to your grave on your back. While the crowd saw Jesus carrying the cross and mocked him, Jesus knew the beauty and power of the cross. He knew the end of the road he was walking. We know the power, the truth, the love and the reality of  the Gospel, so let us deny our selves, and take it to the grave, for everyone to see. 

Report on NYLC

National Youth Leaders Conference in Dallas, Texas - March 30th - April 2nd. 
To say it was 'worth it' would be the understatement of the year, no, the decade. 

With Ben's (my youth pastor) motorcycle accident and the chaos that followed it, updates and information on the trip was obviously sporadic. But I believe that through that, God selected a couple of us to meet Him there, along with around 2700 Jesus Freaks who have dedicated their lives to Christ and to further Him kingdom. That alone was amazing. To see Trinity Church filled with people much like myself encouraged me greatly, by allowing me to see that not only did God have a huge, young, passionate army around the US, but that they too faced the same struggles that I used to believe I faced alone. 

We left on the 29th. The 12+ hour drive was a comfortable one and consisted of strange conversations and hours upon hours of the movie game. We discovered some interesting 'points of interest' in Texas and encountered some strange sights. Two dead cows, a herd of antelope, a truck ripped in half by a tree, a town named Chilicothe and...a herd of camels. (And a 'herd' of ants! Lori, you know what I mean.) No joke. We were sober, I swear.
Lori and I were blessed to be able to stay at Courtney's sister's apartment. They were so good to us, and so was their dog, Sonic. On Monday the 30th, we celebrated Ben's birthday by going to watch Monsters Vs. Aliens and eating at Saltgrass steak house before finally heading over to Trinity Church. 
Ben and Holly were privileged enough to have Jeanne Mayo (titled the best Youth pastor in the world) as their youth pastor back when they were my age. And RED is privileged enough to have the product of Jeanne's mentoring as its youth pastors. In my opinion, they're some of the greatest spiritual parents in the world. So for me to be able to hear my youth pastor's youth pastor speak was exciting and eye-opening. 

We parked in a sea of cars and made our way to Trinity Church; a HUGE building perfect for what God had planned for those three days. As soon as we walked in, Ben and Holly were swamped with old friends and acquaintances. I had no idea that my youth pastors were famous. As the rest of us pretended to be as famous as our leaders, we found our reserved seats (which we got through Ben and Holly's acquaintances) and waited for 'whatever'. I doubt that any of us had any clue what we expected out of the trip or what God would do - if anything at all. I think most of us were there because 'Ben said so'. 
And then it began. 
It was as if God had dumped bucket after bucket of wisdom on the entire church, and the speakers (Jeanne Mayo, Ed Young, Chris Hill, Joel Stockstill, Judah Smith...) were the buckets.
I can't even begin to tell you the overwhelming revelations that were shown to me just that first day. Jeanne spoke about how Jesus is our security, and our main audience. The thoughts of the righteous are right and how Jesus won't do anything until you work with him. Not only did she speak to us, but I think she threw a tombstone at satan's face when she said 'Now I don't give the devil too much attention because to find him, I have to look under my feet'. She said things like 'He who has a WHY to live for, can withstand any HOW' and 'Never let your feelings tell you how to feel'. 
i was familiar with the next speaker, but the last time I had heard him, I didn't KNOW God. Greg Stier, from Denver, Colorado spoke about the Gospel and how it means 'good news' and how we so often show it to people as simply 'you're a sinner'. Stier said 'We have 20 minutes left - we're on the clock', 'All roads lead to God - all to judgement and only one to forgiveness'. One that hit me hard was 'They're deaf to us because we're deaf to them'. How long have we suffocated people by shoving the Bible in their face with a 'I'm right, you're wrong' attitude and not Christ's attitude of pure, unconditional love?

The messages felt like a waterfall of ice cold water waking me up from my mediocre christianity. What kind of walk was I walking? I struggled to read the Bible every day and I'd hit a wall. I distinctly remember God telling me to love Him more, right before the trip. I asked Him 'How? How can I grow my heart?' and He answered 'Know me more'. Could God possibly have more for me? Could He be even greater than what i knew already? It was too good to be true. Right?

"You think this is all I've got? Think again. You've barely made a dent in knowing me. I have called you higher than you can see, deeper than you're comfortable going and further than the destination you've circled on your puny little hand-drawn map. I wasn't kidding when I said that I had a plan for you that day you first heard my voice."

I fell asleep praying and woke up praying. I was starving for God's word and itching to share every drop of encouragement and expectation God had given me to every one I knew. I still am. My mind has been constantly on my Savior and I'm praying that I will be able to discipline my mind to do that for the rest of my life. 

The entire conference, Ben had been limping around because of the motorcycle accident. His hip was slanted - one side of his pelvis was higher than the other because it was pushed up when he hit the Jeep Liberty. As a result, his left leg was an inch shorter than his right, causing him to never be able to stand with both legs straight. One night, one of the bands (Desperation Band or CoryEvans Band) played 'Healer'. As Ben was worshiping the Lord, he changed the position of his legs and found that they were the same length. His hip had moved down, and had become level with the other. Now try to tell me that Jesus can't do miracles. Though Ben is not entirely fixed, I know that he will be. God is good and that's a fact. 
The last night of the conference, our group was standing around the table where they sold each sermon for $8 a CD. We wanted to buy four or five on our church budget so that we could let others listen to it and learn from it. As we discussed which ones to buy, we eventually became frustrated and decided to postpone the purchase until we talked to Pastor Bob back at Jubilee. As we turned to leave, the man standing behind us said 'Hey, what do you need? I'll cover ya." Ben insisted that it was okay and that we were simply going to order them later, but the man was persistent. He said 'I've been standing here and I heard God tell me to bless someone with this. I'll get you the whole package." He slapped his credit card down on the counter and buys us the $200 pack with over 70 services. In shock, we received the flash stick. Um, did I mention that God is good?
There was not a single minute of those 3 days that I was not overwhelmed by the love of God. Not only that, I was blessed enough to witness a miracle and an awesome blessing by a total stranger. 
And how could I leave this out, I got to meet the drummer, Keyboard dude and guitarist/vocalist of Desperation Band. I think me and Justus peed our pants a little. Not only were they awesome musicians, it was obvious that they loved God with all of their hearts. OH, and I got a hug from Jeanne AND Sam Mayo, probably the holiest people I've ever met. 
That was my crazy trip to Texas. Yeah.


Here's a bonus for you guys. (haha) >>

Here's an analogy that God gave me at starbucks the day after I got back. I asked Him "Lord, How do I keep this fire burning? I always seem to be asking you to re-light my passion." And He said:

"In order to keep a fire burning, what do you do?
You gotta know WHAT pieces of wood to add and WHEN to add them.
If you add good, dry wood, you'll have a good flame, but if you add weeds and thistles, you'll get a smokey, little fire. Not only will you not be able to see clearly, but you will burn other people's eyes and drive them away from you. No one likes to sit by a smokey fire. 
The fuel that will keep you burning is my Word and your time spent with me in prayer and worship. But things of this world- gossip, slander, lying etc. will only blind you. 
WHEN do you add the fuel? Consistently. All at once and the fire will be put out. You can cram your brain with scripture all at once but if you have so much that you can't take any in, you'll just get confused and that's when satan will mess with your mind the most."

I'm working up a furnace and maybe I'll start a forest fire someday. I knew being a pyromaniac wasn't ALL bad. :) 

If I go on any more, I will never stop, so I'll stop the ranting here. 

The future...

(Excuse my grammatical errors and wierd "teenage talk". It's too long to read over and check.)

For the past...however long I've been thinking about college, Biola seemed to be somewhere I wanted to be, but couldn't possibly get to. 
After my little life-changing encounter with God, my search for a college seemed to land on California, specifically the L.A area. Why? I had no clue. But for some inexplicable reason, I was drawn to Biola. The more I studied and looked into it, the more I wanted to be there. Eventually I paid a visit.
I spent the night in a tiny dorm room. My 'room-mate' just so happened to have the same visions as me, the same desires for furthering the Kingdom as me, and basically the same testimony too. We spent a good amount of time just gawking at the 'coincidence' that led us to meet and share what God's been doing in us. When she told me that she had a vision about somebody a while earlier and was convinced that it was about me, I had decided in my mind that Biola was where I wanted to be. But was that just what I wanted, or what God wanted? Being the skeptical, doubtful, indecisive person that I am, I decided to wait for any more 'signs' or convenient 'coincidences' that would possibly confirm any ideas about 'signs from God' that floated around in my confused mind. 

The next morning, I attended chapel. 'Coincidentally', the set up was different than normal chapel at Biola. There was a speaker who happened to be an artist that spoke about Art and Christ. A sign? uhhh....

Not only was Biola beautiful, Christ-centered, full of Jesus-freaks like me and an intensely awesome Art Department, it was.....$40,000 a year. 
I had decided, I wanted to be at Biola. How? Only God knew. It seemed impossible for a family of 6 with a son in college over seas, missionaries renting a house, planning to buy one, and a car or two, and maybe replace some computers, and maybe some emergency tickets to Japan, during the worst economic crisis since 1929 to be able to send someone to the expensive, out of state, private Christian school in expensive California for 3 or 4 years of education. Everything screamed "it's impossible', just apply somewhere else you dumbo".
Every time I talked to my parents about Biola, things seemed to get more and more bleak. The estimate costs were in the thirty thousands and it seemed like I would be working for the rest of my life to pay off the cost of tuition. "You didn't hear right you doofus" kept going through my head. 

So I looked at other schools, or rather glanced at them. I prayed about it constantly, and yet, nothing. No other school popped up, just Biola. Maybe I wasn't praying right (yes, I actually thought this). So I fasted. And what did I get? "2 Chronicles 20. A book I'd never read before. The Lord simply opened the Bible to that page. And there was King Jehoshaphat, praying to God to deliver his people from a hopeless battle. The Lord's answer? "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's." While I was reading this, my iTunes had been on shuffle. I had randomly downloaded some Rita Springer songs the night before just for the heck of it. Suddenly I hear the lyrics "God can move mountains" over and over again. 
I said to Him, "You mean the vast army of $40,000? The mountain of debt that I'll be in if I go to Biola?" I simply sensed Him grin. It was going to be okay. 
And still, my stubborn, faithless self continued to worry and get frustrated over the issue. 

A month or two later, I reached a point of praying that God help my doubtfulness and my fear. He answered and gave me a peace. It WILL be okay. 

And that's where I was, when I was driving home from work with my mom. She said "I have some good news for you!"
I thought, um, you won a bid on e-bay? You can make it to the concert? You got a puppy? So I asked her "How good is good?" I proceeded to explain to her with colorful sounds and expressions how 'good' could be a 'oh cool' good, or a 'WOOOOOOW' good. She refused to tell me what it was until I got home, in fear that I would drive the van into a house. 
She showed me the letter that showed the $40,000 price tag cut in half. 
With all of the FAFSA stuff I had busted my brain for, the $21,000 was more than beautiful. Earlier, I had sent out another scholarship application, and that day (today), my mom had sent out my Art Scholarship application. So if I get one or both of those...
Maybe I'll be there this fall after all. 


I'm still waiting for the replies. But my heart has been settled. Wherever I go, God is with me. Whether I go to Biola or not, God has a plan for me. Whether I worry or not, God is still in control. "Faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains". I'm slowly coming to understand the reality of that. I guess I secretly thought that God was a big bully that said "Look how awesome this college is! - haha too bad, you're going to this SUCKY college". 
God never changes. He WAS good to me, He IS good to me and I know that He WILL be good to me for the rest of my life and more. 
Who deserves my trust more than the only One who will never let me down?
You, God, are all I need.

Exodus 32

What I've been reading up on lately:
(I like to paraphrase by the way. A lot is directly from my lovely NIV monster of a Bible.)

Exodus 32
Moses goes up the mountain to spend 40 days and 40 nights with God, face to face. But while he is up there, the people of Israel lose faith. They say "Come make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don't know what has happened to him". So Aaron, Moses' brother takes the people's gold ornaments and creates a golden calf - an idol to worship in place of the living God that delivered them from Egypt. (32:6) "So the next day, the people rose early and sacrificed burnt offerings and presented fellowship offerings.". The Lord sees their adultery and is angered by it.

"But Moses sought the favor of the Lord his God. - Moses said "Turn from Your fierce anger; relent and do not bring disaster on your people" - "Then the Lord relented and did not bring his people the disaster He had threatened."
"When Moses approached the camp and saw the calf and the dancing, his anger burned and he threw the tablets out of his hands, breaking them to pieces at the foot of the mountain."

Moses then gathers the people still willing to follow the God that brought them out of Egypt and literally destroys everybody else - the people who were family and friends, brothers and sisters.
The next day Moses goes back to the Lord to plead with Him. " Oh, what a great sin these people have committed! They have made themselves gods of gold. But now, please forgive their sin - but if not, then blot me out of the book you have written".
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Gloomy story.
How many times have we been shown great revelations and glimpses of God's glory, only to turn around the very next hour to worship vain things?

How many times have we pleaded with God to deliver us from pain (Egypt) and when He does, we give Him nothing back?

How different are we from the people of Israel who worshipped a golden calf as we go about our daily lives worshipping anything from looks to material, popularity to sensuality, pride and power to independence from any higher authority?

The Lord's mercy rises with the morning, but why do we so often take that for granted?

How do we become 'bored' with Christianity when we make no effort to seek the God who it's all about in the first place?

Why do we sit around waiting on God to make us feel better all the while ignoring the desperate cries of the lost and broken around us?

How do we become accustomed to being forgiven constantly while making no effort to not repeat the mistake?

How can we call ourselves christians ("Little Christ") when we strive to do things ourselves, when Christ Jesus only did the will of His Father?

When God reveals to us our problem spots, why do we make excuses and try to hold onto the very thing that drives us away from God?

Why do we put an imaginary ceiling on what God could do for us?

Why do we expect so little from Him when Moses talked to God face to face for 40 days and nights in the midst of His glory?

What makes us so different from Moses that we can't have the same intimate relationship with Christ?

Why are we so quick to judge people who are struggling and yet spend so little time praying and pleading as Moses did for their salvation and forgiveness?

Are we as willing as Moses to lay down our own lives that others may be saved?

Why is it so easy to commit to vanity and so hard to commit to 20 minutes of prayer a day?

Why do we love what is of this world, when the only things that come out of it destroy us?


The answer to all of the above questions? "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind, and Love your neighbor as your self".



I am guilty of many, no, all of these things. I've torn apart the heart of God by the things that I have done. If anything, the things that I write apply most accurately to myself.
The reason I posted this is to share in my walk with Christ. I aim to be transparent, with nothing to hide from anybody.

"Lord transform me daily, soften my heart constantly, awaken me violently if you need to. For you bought me by your precious blood, and since then, I have gained everything. For what I once considered gain, I now know is loss when I see the One that I belong to. Show me your glory, that I may behold you, and become like you. I fight my flesh daily, Jesus save me from my self. I needed you then, I need you now, and I will forever need you here by my side. Let there be less of me, and more of You. For you are God in every earthquake, storm or summer day, and I will always have a reason to worship, praise, thank You and be joyful."



Hope this spoke to someone. Don't give up seeking God, because He will never give up on you. Send me your prayer requests or questions or insults or jokes or funny stories comments about anything. I won't bite. I promise.

Purpose And Why You Need One

Well, I've been thinking about purpose. Purpose of Life, purpose of existence etc. Personally, this has been a big struggle for me. The question "Why are we here?" was never too far in the back of my mind. Having been brought up in a christian family, I believe in God out of blind faith, just because 'they said so'. It was all I knew. That was until things started going wrong for me. Until I became old enough to think for myself. That's generally what happens when things don't go our way; we blame something. And since I had blamed everything else already and still had no satisfaction, I blamed God. In fact, I altogether stopped believing in Him.

Now many people replace God with science, saying that God is in our head, that we are our own God, God only exists for those who 'need' Him. Well, while those ideas and theories satisfied the 'logical' (or so I thought) thinking that continuously battled in my head, I felt an emptiness that I could not ignore. Not just an emptiness, but a hunger, a crying out for it to be filled with something. I constantly hear people saying "I feel empty", "I have nothing to do, nothing worth doing". Those come out of the mouths of people who feel that they have no purpose in life. Why?

Because without a God, there is no purpose. Ask an atheist what their purpose is and they will say something along the lines of "To be the best I can and pursue happiness". But most of us know that the best we can do is more often than not, completely inadequate. 

Without a God, we are only biological beings on an earth accidentally formed with no purpose but to pass. 

When I rejected God, that is what I became. Pointless, meaningless, directionless accident here fore a blip of time. Any impact I make on the world will be for nothing because the world itself is for nothing. Live for nothing, die for nothing. There was nothing more and nothing less. Many people then come to the conclusion that, since they are without purpose, they will be their own God, create a purpose. Do what they want, and pursue money, fame, fortune, popularity, drugs, sex, love or lust...

Well I tried that. I tried making myself stick think. I tried alcohol on many more than one occasion. I tried parties, I tried popularity, I had material possessions. Yet nothing even began to fill that gaping God-shaped hole. I'll be honest, each one of those made me happy temporarily, but as I did that more and more, I found that even the pleasure, the satisfaction, the temporary high became shorter and shorter, more and more meaningless, and left me more desperate for a purpose. 

I hit rock bottom. I was never thin enough because the mirror lied to me. I was never drunk enough because I always sobered up. I never had enough friends because none of them gave me a purpose. I never had enough, because I could always have more. Each one left me feeling more hopeless and useless.

I find that many people are at this point; pulsating feelings of loneliness, hopelessness and emptiness that would return with every beat of their heart. But I find that many people manage to become numb to it, because it's normal...right? If everybody else is living the same life, then...it's okay to not have a purpose...right?

We were made for so much more - - - 

Purpose: The reason for which something is DONE or CREATED or for which something EXISTS.

To live life with purpose, requires us to be able to see things clearly. Now with the mindset of purposeless living, how on earth can we live a purposeful, meaningful life? What is in our heart and mind emerge in how we live. I did purposeless, empty things because I had emptiness in my heart and mind. Now, the definition of Purpose that the dictionary gave me had the three words that I capitalized. DONE, CREATED and EXISTS.

Let's start with CREATED. In order for something to be created, there must be a Creator. Therefore, without a creator, there is no purpose. That Creator is God.

Purpose: The reason for which something is CREATED.

Second word: EXISTS. We were created, therefore we EXIST. Purpose: The reason for which something EXISTS.

Third and final word: DONE. or to DO. 

God CREATED us to have a relationship with Him, to know Him, to love Him, to praise Him and to serve Him. We are not our own. Now, that may seem like a horrible thought, to be a servant, but in reality, it is serving the God that made us, the God that Loves us and the God that wants us to know Him. And THAT is PURPOSE. That is humility and a FULL life because we are doing what the all knowing God wants us to do. We are part of an AMAZING plan.

God put us into EXISTENCE. Fact is, we exist. Therefore we must have a purpose. Every single beloved one of us. :) 

So our purpose is to DO what God has created us to do (To love, serve, worship, know, trust...) But we screw up. We disobey God. We may think that we are okay people, and that we deserve heaven. But Heaven is PERFECT. If imperfect people go to heaven, it would no longer be perfect. Our standards have been lowered because of the fallen world that we live in. By ourselves, we have no hope to get into the perfect heaven, with the perfect God. But that's where the word "DONE" comes in. God provided a way for u to carry on living with a purpose. He wiped the slate clean. He bore the world's sin, became the lowest of the low, so that we could start over. He paid the ultimate sacrifice so that we could have another chance. Like Jesus said on the cross as he took his final breath, "It is FINISHED". That was it. DONE. He went ALL the way. We were no longer hopeless. With his dying words came HOPE, another chance and A PURPOSE.

Jeremiah 29:22 "For I know the plans I have fore you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future". 

Now that is purpose. And that is the only purpose I have found. There is no other.

This message isn't just for those who feel like they have no purpose, it's also to remind those Christians out there who have grown numb to purpose. Who need to be reminded why there are here. You are here for a greater purpose than you can EVER imagine.

Ephesians  4:17-24

Living as Children of Light

"So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in the due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with continual lust for more.

You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desired; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

In all of this, THE most important thing that each one of us must realize, is that God loved you enough to send Him only son to die for you, and that He still loves you enough to continuously offer you freedom, hope, love, security, eternal life and best of all, a relationship with Him.

(P.S Just to let you know, the things I wrote are not 'theological', but simply to help understand purpose. It's not proof that God exists but simply an expression of how real He is to me. So speaking from my opinion and faith, God exists, I know, because I talked to Him this morning.)